Last Days with Mother

(figurine's name: I Love You This Much)

It has been 31 years ago today that Mother was taken by that horrible disease called cancer. At that time I was eight months pregnant with Raegan, and had also lost Dale in December. I had stayed every day with Mother and Dad would stay at night. I did what I needed to do and didn't think about all I was going through. Years later I looked back with amazement at what a strong person I was. Now I understand that it made me a strong person and prepared me for the experiences that were ahead of me. I also see all the precious moments that I now posses because of those day I spent with my best friend.

• Just before Mother went into a coma, I had the feeling that I should take Jen and Carrie in to see their Grandmother. Jen was 11 and Carrie 7, and they loved her so much. Some would say it was a cruel thing to do to them, but I will never forget those very precious moments we had with her. She looked at them and then took their small hands in hers. Mother then said with more wisdom than I understood then, "Remember I love you and don't cry."
• Several days later as I was sitting to the side of her, she opened her eyes, stared at the corner of the room, and began mumbling. I felt the presence of others in the room. "What can you see, Mother, that I can not?" I asked her, but she couldn't tell me. I knew, though, that those who loved her most on the other side were waiting to take her home. I sat there and cried. It was all self pity. That is the way death is. I didn't want to keep Mother here the way she was. That was a precious moment for me to share with my best friend. To feel the presence of those who had come and know that they loved me too.
• The last I will write about to most wouldn't be seen as precious, but to me it was a spiritual experience. We all knew that the time had come to say our last goodbyes. Mother was gasping for air. I had been sitting with her all morning when Dad came in. He was only there a short time when Mother took her last breathe. I calmly looked at Dad and told him she was gone. Then I walked out of the room to find a doctor. To this day I don't know what Dad did while I was gone, but neither of us shed a tear. Those came later. But to spend that time with my Father and Mother after her spirit left her body were very precious moments. What happened during that time is in my memory bank for only me to remember this day. Yes, I love her this much and clear into eternity.

What I Learned in the Hospital

Last week I learned that I will be having surgery AGAIN! I've torn my rotator cuff for the second time in the same arm. Am I excited about it? No!!! If I could just get it over with it might be easier, but all of us are going to Disneyland over spring break which is the week of April 5th. Since recovery time is six weeks, I've decided to bite the bullet and wait until after this once in a life time evident to be with all my kids and grandkids. In other words, I want to take the time to make some precious moments. That isn't saying that I won't find some precious moments during recovery because I know I will and this is why.

It has been almost two years to the day since I had a total knee surgery done. Not something I would suggest on a whim! I decided when I went into the hospital that I wanted to see what I could learn from every caregiver that entered my room. These are the lessons that I learned.

Michele was a CNA that I met in the middle of the night. Her face was formed into a blank stare that let me know immediately that I didn't matter to her. I was an object to be taken care of as quickly as possible and with little effort. When I tried to make conversation with her, there was no response. After a very difficult, long night I asked her if she would help me to my chair in hopes of relieving the pain in my back. She did so without a word, and closed the door after herself. It was then I discovered that she had left me without a call button nor could I reach it. I was stuck there for over an hour when I went into sever pain from my knee. For another hour I screamed out for help, but no one heard me. By the time I was found, I was in tears, shaking, and the pain was so terrible that it took hours to get it under control. Lesson learned: The greatest commandment is to love one another. Not when it is convenient or when it is easy to love, but to love everyone.

Patty was a happy, on the ball nurse who let me know in a very short time that she was concerned about me. In fact, she made me feel like I was the most important person she was taking care of that day. She constantly popped in with a smile and a "Can I do anything for you?" If she had a few extra moments, she would come into my room for a short chat. Lesson learned: What seems like a few short steps to you may seem like a mile to someone else.

Joyce was one of my night nurses. She was very pleasant, and very talkative. When it came time for my nightly medicine, she forgot something very important. I laid in my bed wondering if I would ever fall asleep. After about an hour and a half, she came back in and laughingly informed me that she had forgotten to give me part of my medicine. One was to help me sleep and another was for restless legs. If my legs had started to jump around, I would have moved my knee in a way that would have caused damage to it. Lesson learned: Never go half way in anything you do. You can cause great harm to yourself, and even greater harm to those around you.

Then there was Pam. She was one of my late afternoon nurses. One of those times I felt myself going into a black hole, feeling all alone, the ugly fingers of depression seeping in. Through my door as if by some miracle, Pam walked in with my dinner tray. She must of seen the panic that was in my eyes because she asked if she could bring her dinner in and eat with me. It didn't take long for the tears to gently run down my cheeks as she got me to talk about my fears that seemed enormous! Then I discovered a strange thing begin to happen. She was crying with me. These were not tears of pity but of compassion. Lesson learned: If you want to know someone, try walking in their shoes.

This may all seem menial except for one thing. Whether the lessons I learned were from good or bad experiences, they were PRECIOUS MOMENTS IN TIME!