Santa Believed

This year I have though long and hard about what I wanted this Christmas and all Christmases yet to come to mean. I always get so caught up in trying to get everything done and done perfertly that I forget the reason for the season. This year didn't start out much different until my energy level was gone and I started dreading the beginning of each new day.

I'm Going Batty

Fibromyalgia is a horrible disease, but one I have been blessed with. Then there is another one I'll add to that which is neuropathy in my feet. Between the two, I'm going batty. Now isn't that appropriate this time of year. The sad part is I couldn't get out of bed most of today because I was sick. Now anyone who knows me knows that it takes a lot to knock me down like that. How long will it last? I don't know. I may wake up in the morning and be fine or I may be in bed again. So what do I do about it. I pray a lot for enough strength to endure the pain. After that I just go batty. Do you want to join me?

Where Has Honesty Gone?

I've always felt like Nephi as he stated "I being born of goodly parents." Mother and Dad were (are) the best! That being said, I was always taught to be honest in what I said and did. Well, in my journey, I've found dishonesty and I'm paying for it! Not because I agreed to it, but because I can do nothing about it. Let me start at the beginning.

Bill got behind on his alimony. The amount grew and grew until I hired an attorney to help me. I was referred to him by someone I greatly respected. Thus I put my trust in him to do what was right. I think it surprised Bill that I would do something that bold, but he finally paid up and then pulled his own shocker. He wanted to change the decree and not pay the small $150 a month any longer. I didn't know you could do such a thing, but in today's world and Bill being Bill I soon became a believer.

Now after several months, correspondence sent back and forth, and court dates canceled I received a copy of a letter my attorney sent to Bill's. He stated part of my wishes which was "I would no longer seek for any more alimony," but left out the part of "if he would pay my attorney fees." Instead he added that there would be stipulations which were that he would continue to pay for as longer as we were married. That prolongs it until January of 2012. He went on to say that he knew he could win the case if I wanted to pursue it since the law stating that alimony only needed to be paid for as long as you were married never went into affect until after we were married. Besides that, it was such a small amount, and the judge would take into account that he made so much more than I since I was on disability. He was even thinking about not charging me anything more to represent me. Now me being taught to be honest in all my dealings fell for what he said whole line and sinker. I called yesterday to thank him only to find out it was all a big lie! He hadn't meant a word of it. He wasn't sure at all that he could win the case, and furthermore the extra alimony he had asked for was to pay his attorney fees! He wasn't looking out for my best interest at all. The bottom line is HE WANTS TO MAKE SURE HE GETS HIS MONEY! I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Here I had said I would settle IF Bill paid my fees and I guess he will, but it will be out of my money. Money I was really depending on and needing. I believed my own attorney and expected him to be honest with me. All I've seen through this whole journey has been dishonesty and greed. Is that what life has come too from a person who is representing me and my values? Bill always wins even when it all started because he wasn't honest with his dealing.

Fall Is Here

I got thinking the other day that September is almost over and October means Halloween. For me that starts the holidays because next is Thanksgiving and then Christmas. That was a very scary thought. What does the holidays hold for me this year? I'm finding that having two surgeries so close together has really taken its toll on me. My energy seems to have flown out the window, but I keep pushing myself. It was such satisfaction to see the peaches in bottles and the jam ready to go in the freezer. I really am blessed and must remember that when the pain gets so bad.

Today as I was talking to Jen I could hear Jessie in the background. I told Jen to tell her I loved her. She did and Jessie shouted back "I love you too, Grandma." See what I mean about being blessed?

Time Out for Women

Raegan and I had the chance to go to a special program up on campus called Time Out For Women today. It was AWESOME!!! There were professional presenters and the music was done by Hillary Weeks. It was a spiritual lift that I really needed after days shut in the house. To go with Raegan made it special also. Experiences like this lift the soul and brings such joy to the heart

And Grandma Was Loved A Lot

Blogging can be addicting, but very time comsumming! I've enjoyed writing about the special times in my life.

Spending time with my Salem grandchildren was so awesome. We had such fun, shared together, and most important of all -- loved each other. Here are some pictures that show some of the precious moments.

Is There a Grandma In the House

I love being a grandma. I love it more than candy or chocolate cake or even shrimp! Of course mine are the cutest and well mannered (the latter happens only at my house because they know they had better be or they make their grandma cry). Truly they are all the light of my life. They are all loved as much as the others but in their own special way.

I'm going to talk about Jen's family first because we will be doing something special in a week together. I am spending at least a night and day with each of them. They will have a themed day with me. That means Andrew will be a pirate for a day, Jacob an All American Boy, Mikayla will make herself a skirt and learn to bake bread, and Jesse will go to Willow Park, but only after her jobs are done (as she told me). On their day, they will do a craft, play games, and have a cooking project. I hope they are looking as forward to it as I am. Being called Grandma is the most awesome word I know.

Now who wouldn't love Jesse Bell? She is the light of my life. She has such an imagination that it intrigues me. Our favorite thing to do together is to sit on the floor and color. I always add singing along with it. The other morning Jen called to tell me that Jesse had just taken the hair cutting scissors and cut her own hair.

This is Andrew whose middle name is mischief. He has the most beautiful dark eyes that melt my heart. He is just learning that he can say back to me, "I love you too." That right there is a precious moment. He is just learning that it is OK to talk to his Grandmother. Of course I love him dearly. Andrew will be in first grade next year.

Jacob was named after Dad (Del) since his birthday is three days after his great grandfather's. He can also cause a lot of chaos in their family, but he holds a special place in my heart. He is so protective of his Grandmother; always watching over me so I won't get hurt. He loves to read, and I love to listen to him. Jacob is 8.

Mikayla is my oldest grandchild. She is beautiful inside and out. I am so proud of her and the example she sets for others. The saying we have between the two of us is, "I love you to the moon and back and clear into eternity." She is our artist which she has proven in school. She has grown up way too fast!

Now we will see how our "Day with Grandma" goes. I bet we have the time of our lives!

My Brother My Friend

Though Dale was six years older than me, we were best friends both as kids and after we were both married. I guess I shouldn't say just friends because he was also my protector. He was the best brother any girl could ask for. I have so many precious memories of him that I really don't know which one to pick, but I guess this time it will be about the bike.

I don't know if I was a tag along or if he just took me with him everywhere, but before I could ride a bike he would put me on the bar of his to ride. One warm summer day that is just what he had done, but he was going really fast and I was hanging on extra hard to the handle bars as we went to turn into our yard. You guessed it! Me hanging on so tight hampered him from making a complete turn and we ended up in the ditch. I was on the bottom, then Dale, and lastly the bike. I remember Dale's first words, "Don't tell Mom!!!" He didn't yell at me, blame me, or just haul his bike out and leave me there to fend for myself. He asked me if I was hurt and then, after looking around to make sure no one was watching, helped me out of the muddy ditch. We were both a mess, but he was worse off than me. We made it into the house and to the bathroom without Mother seeing us. Dale first cleaned the mud off my clothes and bandaged my knees and elbow, and then tried to repair his fat lip and cuts on his face. I get a hoot out of it now as I remember sitting on the toilet watching him try to clean his face up and wondering how we were going to get away with it. Dale was afraid he would really be in trouble for getting me hurt, and I was afraid of getting him in trouble because he had taken me with him. Somehow we got away with it without Mother ever finding out. It never occurred to me to tell on him. You see he was my brother and my friend and you never tell on a friend. Now that experience is just another precious moment in time that I wish I could go back to.

What a Teacher!

Raegan gave me this figurine for my last birthday. It represents two friends who love each other very much, and are working together to keep their friendship alive. It means a lot to me because it truly shows the life Raegan and I are living at this point in time. I'm still mother and she is still my daughter, but we are two adults who share a very precious friendship and who also live together.
There are two thing that I have learned about her that will never change. First, she is a complete perfectionist. If she thinks something she has done is not perfect, she will do it over and over again until it is. Second, she is very stubborn. If she is set in a decision, you can't talk her out of it no matter what.



There is one more thing about her that I want known. She is the best Speech Language Pathologist anyone could ever hope to find. She never takes a break from preparing for her kids to doing the endless paper work that is involved. My spare bedroom has shelves from floor to ceiling of things she has bought with her own money that will help make her teaching more exciting, as well, as, fun. There are times she will spend endless amounts just to help one child who is struggling.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because today is here birthday, and I feel so blessed to have been chosen to be her mother. We have spent so many precious moments together. Thank you Raegan for being a wonderful daughter and an inspiration to me. You continue to teach me what it means to be a true friend, as well as, a better person.

Spring Time Came After the Trials

I've waited days to think over the surgery because it was hard to find any precious moments. I was in a fog for a week because of the drugs, the pain has been rough, and being without my right hand has been extremely depressing, but the blessing of blogging and writing about what is happening in your life is really trying to find those hidden treasures. In doing so, I have found that spring time has come into my life in just one form. See if you agree.

Sis. Lavendar and her daughter came the second night after the surgery with dinner. She is a Spanish lady who speaks very little English, but the sweet spirit she brought into my home was so very precious that it made it through the fog I was in. Clarissa, her daughter, had made me a beautiful bead necklace. I can remember thinking that language wasn't important if you shared the feeling of love. What a precious moment that was.

I have missed being with my primary class and was so happy when Isaac's Mom called and asked if they could come for a visit. He came running in with a bag of homemade cookies and threw his little arms around my lap. I found myself still being a teacher as Isaac played with his little sister and brother. As I sat in my chair watching them while I visited with their Mom, I thought again how easy it is for me to love children. I am thankful for this precious moment in time to remind me of my goal to become as meek and mild as a little child.

Last night I found myself going into depression. I hate that dark, ugly feeling. Without saying a word, I felt like every day was the same with nothing new or exciting happening. Being homebound is not good for someone without a testimony, and I knew that wasn't me. . .BUT what was I going to do about it. In the middle of the night I woke up with the feeling that I was all alone, and that no one really cared. Satan was with me giving me these feelings and I knew that. I started praying (it was more like talking) to my Heavenly Father. Times like this can surely be called "preciours moments" as I called out for his loving care and felt that peace flow over me and heard his Holy Spirit say "and peace I give unto thee."

I've looked back on what I have written and I realize that the one word that sticks out with precious moments is love. Do you agree?

Give All Your Worries & Care to God

Life often throws you a curve, and I'm wondering what I did to deserve this one. It just happened that the darn garbage can got me! It all happened last December just before Christmas. I slipped on a piece of ice while getting my garbage can in, and instead of letting it go I held on and it pulled my arm backwards. Doctors (sorry Mark) often believe that they know your body better than you do, so they put me through physical therapy, and shots before they would believe me that the only answer to my problem was surgery. Yup (Firth slang), I'm having that surgery on Tuesday to repair a ripped rotator cuff. This is the second time on the same arm so you see I know what I'm in for. It is a long recovery time, wearing a huge sling for six weeks, three months (at least) of physical therapy, and of course pain to deal with.

Ronald called me today and I told him how scared I was. He said, "Well, then don't have it!" My reply (full of self pity) was that I couldn't live with a useless arm. "Well then," he exclaimed, "quite feeling sorry for yourself." It was a jolt back to reality. My fear has to be replaced by faith that everything will work out exactly the way it is suppose to be. I will be looking for some precious moments.

My Dream Trip

Like Alice in Wonderland I still can't believe that my whole family decided to all go to Disneyland. I saved for months and it was all worth it just to have those "Precious Moments" with my grandchildren. The kids were great to push me in a wheelchair, and we could get in the fast lane for the rides as long as it was one I WANTED to go on. What power I held over them!


We arrived on Sunday (Easter). Jen and Carrie drove with their families, but Raegan and I flew. I told everyone that we would still love each other that way instead of spending 10 hours in a car with excited children. We all arrived at the same time and met in our room. I gave them all a Mother's lecture about making this trip one of memories. Because of that outlook, it was an awesome trip. . .a dream come true. One full of Precious Moments. Let me share a few and they have nothing to do with the rides or what we saw at Disneyland which was great. They have everything to do with family.


1. At our little meeting Sunday night, Cailee (10) passed me a note. I opened it quietly and read, "Grandma, I love you so much!!"


2. Seeing the look on Jesse's (3) face as she sat next to me on Raegan's lap going through It's a Small World.


3. Jacob (8) sitting in between Raegan and I on Priate's of the Carabean. I had been put right in the front of the boat. At the first big dip, Jacob buried his head in my lap. Not wanting him to get all wet, I covered his head with my body. At the bottom, he jumped up and kissed my check but never said a word.


4. Seeing the laughter on Cailee, Andrew (6), and Jesse's face as we rode on the Teacups over and over until Grandma couldn't even walk a straight line.


5. Jesse cuddling up to me in the wheelchair and going to sleep. I got to sit holding and watching her as she slept and blessing my lucky stars for all of my Precious Moments.


There was so much more to our trip, but the main thing I want known is . . .I could dwell on all the negative things that went wrong, but I didn't. I just looked for those Precious Moments that will never happen again.

Last Days with Mother

(figurine's name: I Love You This Much)

It has been 31 years ago today that Mother was taken by that horrible disease called cancer. At that time I was eight months pregnant with Raegan, and had also lost Dale in December. I had stayed every day with Mother and Dad would stay at night. I did what I needed to do and didn't think about all I was going through. Years later I looked back with amazement at what a strong person I was. Now I understand that it made me a strong person and prepared me for the experiences that were ahead of me. I also see all the precious moments that I now posses because of those day I spent with my best friend.

• Just before Mother went into a coma, I had the feeling that I should take Jen and Carrie in to see their Grandmother. Jen was 11 and Carrie 7, and they loved her so much. Some would say it was a cruel thing to do to them, but I will never forget those very precious moments we had with her. She looked at them and then took their small hands in hers. Mother then said with more wisdom than I understood then, "Remember I love you and don't cry."
• Several days later as I was sitting to the side of her, she opened her eyes, stared at the corner of the room, and began mumbling. I felt the presence of others in the room. "What can you see, Mother, that I can not?" I asked her, but she couldn't tell me. I knew, though, that those who loved her most on the other side were waiting to take her home. I sat there and cried. It was all self pity. That is the way death is. I didn't want to keep Mother here the way she was. That was a precious moment for me to share with my best friend. To feel the presence of those who had come and know that they loved me too.
• The last I will write about to most wouldn't be seen as precious, but to me it was a spiritual experience. We all knew that the time had come to say our last goodbyes. Mother was gasping for air. I had been sitting with her all morning when Dad came in. He was only there a short time when Mother took her last breathe. I calmly looked at Dad and told him she was gone. Then I walked out of the room to find a doctor. To this day I don't know what Dad did while I was gone, but neither of us shed a tear. Those came later. But to spend that time with my Father and Mother after her spirit left her body were very precious moments. What happened during that time is in my memory bank for only me to remember this day. Yes, I love her this much and clear into eternity.

What I Learned in the Hospital

Last week I learned that I will be having surgery AGAIN! I've torn my rotator cuff for the second time in the same arm. Am I excited about it? No!!! If I could just get it over with it might be easier, but all of us are going to Disneyland over spring break which is the week of April 5th. Since recovery time is six weeks, I've decided to bite the bullet and wait until after this once in a life time evident to be with all my kids and grandkids. In other words, I want to take the time to make some precious moments. That isn't saying that I won't find some precious moments during recovery because I know I will and this is why.

It has been almost two years to the day since I had a total knee surgery done. Not something I would suggest on a whim! I decided when I went into the hospital that I wanted to see what I could learn from every caregiver that entered my room. These are the lessons that I learned.

Michele was a CNA that I met in the middle of the night. Her face was formed into a blank stare that let me know immediately that I didn't matter to her. I was an object to be taken care of as quickly as possible and with little effort. When I tried to make conversation with her, there was no response. After a very difficult, long night I asked her if she would help me to my chair in hopes of relieving the pain in my back. She did so without a word, and closed the door after herself. It was then I discovered that she had left me without a call button nor could I reach it. I was stuck there for over an hour when I went into sever pain from my knee. For another hour I screamed out for help, but no one heard me. By the time I was found, I was in tears, shaking, and the pain was so terrible that it took hours to get it under control. Lesson learned: The greatest commandment is to love one another. Not when it is convenient or when it is easy to love, but to love everyone.

Patty was a happy, on the ball nurse who let me know in a very short time that she was concerned about me. In fact, she made me feel like I was the most important person she was taking care of that day. She constantly popped in with a smile and a "Can I do anything for you?" If she had a few extra moments, she would come into my room for a short chat. Lesson learned: What seems like a few short steps to you may seem like a mile to someone else.

Joyce was one of my night nurses. She was very pleasant, and very talkative. When it came time for my nightly medicine, she forgot something very important. I laid in my bed wondering if I would ever fall asleep. After about an hour and a half, she came back in and laughingly informed me that she had forgotten to give me part of my medicine. One was to help me sleep and another was for restless legs. If my legs had started to jump around, I would have moved my knee in a way that would have caused damage to it. Lesson learned: Never go half way in anything you do. You can cause great harm to yourself, and even greater harm to those around you.

Then there was Pam. She was one of my late afternoon nurses. One of those times I felt myself going into a black hole, feeling all alone, the ugly fingers of depression seeping in. Through my door as if by some miracle, Pam walked in with my dinner tray. She must of seen the panic that was in my eyes because she asked if she could bring her dinner in and eat with me. It didn't take long for the tears to gently run down my cheeks as she got me to talk about my fears that seemed enormous! Then I discovered a strange thing begin to happen. She was crying with me. These were not tears of pity but of compassion. Lesson learned: If you want to know someone, try walking in their shoes.

This may all seem menial except for one thing. Whether the lessons I learned were from good or bad experiences, they were PRECIOUS MOMENTS IN TIME!

SAVOR THE MOMENT

When I was small, I had a little red tricycle. I would spend hours riding it around our house playing all kinds of games. I've always had a big imagination so I was content to be on my own. Life was at a slower pace then, and I don't think it was because I lived on a farm. It was a great place to grow up. You knew everyone, and everyone was a friend. You never locked your doors at night let alone during the day. You didn't even lock your car doors when you went into town. The washing was hung on a clothes line, and though it was crisp when it was brought in, oh how good it smelled. So fresh and clean. We ate three good meals a day, and always sat down as a family. Their was always something to do which didn't include sitting in front of a TV playing video games or at a computer playing mind games (I often call them "roit your brain" games).

I had a play house which my Dad and brother built me out of gun boxes from Smith & Edwards. I spent hours their playing with my family of dolls. This house was complete with everything a little girl needed to play house. I had a toy stove, frig, cupboard full of dishes, table and chairs for all, and even a baby's crib and dresser for all my doll clothes.

I would walk down to the school and play on the swings without Mother worrying that someone might abduct me. I had roller skates that you put on your shoes and tightened down with a key. I played mud pies, and Mother and even my brothers would pretend to eat them. I tried them once, but I didn't like the taste.

I would give anything if I could go back to that time for just one day, even a few hours, or just a few moments, but I can never recapture that time in my life again. I have those good memories, though, and I've stashed them away in my memory bank. The point I want to make is that there are so many precious moments in our lives that we don't take the time to savor and then they are gone forever. Some we could call trials that take us to our knees, but they are still precious because we learn and grow from them. Others are awesome experiences that make us sore through the sky, and those precious moments also help us to learn and grow. A blog, though a new adventure to me, seems to be for sharing one's life. I would like to share the precious moments I have had and continue to have with you.